Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.
Estimates from 2021 suggest that over one million Military Sexual Trauma (MST) survivors reside in the U.S. and its territories.
In the fall of 2007, I became one of them, subjected to a physical assault and brutal rape against my will in a shower. After more than ten days in the hospital, I was forced to push through, serving for eleven more months until my honorable discharge.
Unseen and unacknowledged at the time, PTSD had already taken hold. Months later, other medical issues emerged. Still, I remained silent, too afraid of jeopardizing my career to acknowledge that I was a victim of military sexual violence. For thirteen years, my silence contributed to my suffering – a painful truth that ultimately fueled my resolve to rise from the depths of homelessness, hunger, and despair.
I had to save myself. If you are reading this as a survivor, you know that specific, isolating pain. I’ve been where you are – homeless, starving, questioning if life was worth fighting for. While the journey continues, I’ve found hope, and I want to share it with you and all other survivors. You are not alone. And if you are here for someone you care about, you understand the need.
I’ve started HopeAfterMST.com as a place to share my story and offer hope to all those still in the dark or fearful of coming forward. As a survivor of military rape, I believe that while guidance from professionals is valuable, the true understanding and solutions to Military Sexual Trauma lie within the experiences of survivors. We have lived it, and we have found ways forward.
Military Sexual Violence is indiscriminate; it doesn’t care about race, nationality, sexual orientation, or gender identity, impacting all who serve. That’s why at HopeAfterMST.com, we are committed to treating every veteran equally. We must believe them and show them the compassion and respect they deserve, regardless of their background. I’m doing this for every veteran, because the title VETERAN unites us all.
photo by MARY F CALVERT.
“Even though my assault happened 10 + years ago, it still affects me in my everyday life and mostly at random. Even though I have sought treatment, it can be trying when the VA says we have done all we can do it is up to you to survive”.
Help fund the fight
HOPE FOR HELP… your support makes a difference. I’m personally funding this fight against MST through my VA disability, but to amplify our impact, I need your help. If you can, please consider a donation towards supplies, travel, and the ongoing efforts of this mission. Every contribution brings us closer to creating change. Thank you. With gratitude, Paul Lloyd Funds paid here will go towards non profit filing costs and attorneys fees.
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ptsd & MST
how to cope
Life with PTSD from MST, is a battle I never knew I was strong enough to deal with.
Symptoms associated with MST
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other psychological health issues – Sexual assault survivors in both the military and civilian populations show a higher lifetime rate of PTSD for both men (65 percent) and women (49.5 percent). VA medical record data shows that in addition to PTSD, the diagnoses most frequently associated with MST among users of VA health care are depression and other mood disorders and substance use disorders.
Difficulty with relationships and social functioning – Veterans who have experienced MST may report problems with interpersonal relationships. In some cases, the abuse triggers trust issues, problems engaging in social activities, and possible sexual dysfunction difficulties. It is also common to experience emotional challenges with guilt, shame, and anger over the trauma. Many survivors also report problems in finding or maintaining work after their military service.
Physical health problems – MST survivors may suffer from sexual difficulties, chronic pain, weight or eating problems, or gastrointestinal problems IBS. Additionally, they may experience difficulty with attention, concentration, and memory veterans may have trouble staying focused or frequently finding their mind wandering.
Substance abuse – Drug or alcohol abuse has a higher correlation among sexual assault survivors than among non-victims. Studies have found drug use—including marijuana, cocaine, and other illicit substances—is ten times as high for sexual assault victims.
Additional medical and mental health conditions – There is a strong association with MST survivors in developing certain specific medical conditions (such as obesity or weight loss, chronic pulmonary disease, liver disease, and hypothyroidism) and mental health conditions (such as bipolar disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders and post-traumatic stress disorder).
Service Animals
PTSD dogs are service animals that provide life-saving measures when working.
Service dogs can be the ultimate lifesaver for a veteran survivor of MST.
A service animal allows the veteran to rebuild trust and respect from the dog. They can interact with the dog without getting triggered; the healing bond of pure unconditional love is overwhelming.
ADA RULES
ADA law allows you to train your service animal on your own.
You can reach out to your local VA and ask if they have a local service dog program, https://militarybenefits.info/service-dogs/.
Please consider the following listed below. I have had the opportunity to work with the following organizations.
ID: Guardian Paws Service dogs on facebook
UT: Canines with a cause
Understanding Triggers
Simplistic things like Birthday parties, holidays, special occasions, any reason for family and friends to gather together and celebrate, all of those situations listed above are challenging problems. It takes a lot of mental prep to go and enjoy these events without being triggered.
An MST vet’s behavior in these situations may differ depending on where an MST vet is in its healing process, and some may have stopped attending some events if they can’t correctly prepare.
Allowing your veteran family member to have their service dog with them at events is a big help especially when invites come on short notice
Triggers
They can and will come in many forms, and at random, they are unpredictable.
The main picture above, titled “FLASHBACK”, was the result of a one-dollar candle that smelled like the soap I was using during my assault. It throws me back to that hell I thought I had escaped.
I AM MST & STRONG
The #Iamvannessaact doesn’t do enough and ignores the spouses, parents, kids, and extended family. They all need help. It’s not just the veteran. Our support systems are trying to stay healthy for us, but they have no avenue for their support. An MST support crisis line for civilians and spouses of military sexual trauma is needed!
There needs to be individual recognition and staying true to the problem; hence my motto I AM MST!
‘Higher homelessness in mst vets ‘ National Institutes of Health
Veterans who report experiencing sexual trauma while in the military have more than twice the rate of post-deployment homelessness than their counterparts who have not experienced such trauma. With the risk higher in men, new research shows. On top of higher homelessness, MST Vets also have a higher rate of suicide.
If you feel like harming yourself or others, please contact the following number. https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/
free, confidential support for Veterans in crisis and their families and friends. Call the Veterans Crisis Line at 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1 or text to 838255.
SPOUSES
healing and Growing
You can’t have one foot in and one foot out.All parties involved in the healing process must have an open mind and be willing to commit 100%.
The healing process and connecting with the VA are challenging and can trigger a fight with mental health all on its own.
All the spouses looking at this page know that the best thing to do for your vet is to ground them. Merely placing a single hand on a chest helps calm us. Tell us your in this fight with us heal with us. And sometimes just let us sleep because we didn’t sleep the night before.
Remind us its ok to ask for help
Most MST veterans feel betrayed because of the incidents we endured. It causes us to do a bulk of things on our own without help.
If you feel the need to talk with someone due to a series of bad days, feel free to contact the RAINN crisis lines help male survivors:
call 1.800.656.HOPE (4673) or go to https://t.co/wmbYNH5JUy.
“It’s better you come forward now than deal with it for five years. To hide something like that, to hide the brutal act that I endured for so long, it takes a toll.”
PAUL LLOYD
If you are in danger or are experiencing/experienced Military Sexual Trauma, please reach out to your unit's SHARP representative.
Hope after military sexual trauma is possible. It’s a lot of hard work but obtainable.
You have to fight back and save yourself. No one in Congress, Senate, the White House, or the Pentagon cares. Save yourself.
“I didn’t enlist to get raped. I enlisted to protect my country. The people that were supposed to be protecting me were the ones that betrayed me, but regardless of what happened, I’d do it all over again.”
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THANKS TO MARY F. CALVERT FOR PHOTOS PLEASE CONTACT HER TO USE THEM AND VIEW HER AMAZING HEART STRING HITTING WORK.
HOPE AFTER MST
CONTACT
admin@hopeaftermst.com hopeaftermst@gmailcom
We are currently accepting story submissions to show the world that our numbers are numerous and diverse. To submit a story for consideration, please email submitstory@hopeaftermst.com.
I’m asking all public figures regardless of political party, status and pay to publicly condem military Rape. To be the first contact Hopeaftermst@gmail.com
the struggle after military sexual violence 